In the Face of Adversity: My Struggles with Depression
In the Face of Adversity: My Struggles with Depression

A compilation of self-portraits and poems by Natalia Sandrine

 They said ride it out like a wave, as she stumbled under the force of the undertow

They said ride it out like a wave, as she stumbled under the force of the undertow

 Why shall I dance when I can hear no music?  Why shall I embrace when I feel no warmth?  Why shall I gaze when I see no light?  Why shall I harvest when I smell no fragrance?  Why shall I eat when I taste no sweetness?  What am I if not my senses?  Why shall I be if I am not me?     ~Gone

Why shall I dance when I can hear no music?

Why shall I embrace when I feel no warmth?

Why shall I gaze when I see no light?

Why shall I harvest when I smell no fragrance?

Why shall I eat when I taste no sweetness?

What am I if not my senses?

Why shall I be if I am not me?

 

~Gone

 She was chasing the sun with no concern for being burnt  She felt betrayed as she held it in her hands

She was chasing the sun with no concern for being burnt

She felt betrayed as she held it in her hands

 Her tears were fire in a droughted wood

Her tears were fire in a droughted wood

 She hid under a sheltering tree, that had been stripped of its leaves

She hid under a sheltering tree, that had been stripped of its leaves

 She hid the 10-foot beast behind her back  Never has she felt smaller or more foolish

She hid the 10-foot beast behind her back

Never has she felt smaller or more foolish

 She was drowning in her longing for water  ~Water is Life

She was drowning in her longing for water

~Water is Life

 She longed to resemble her beast  For acknowledgment or punishment, she couldn’t tell

She longed to resemble her beast

For acknowledgment or punishment, she couldn’t tell

 There is no more bitter taste than the bite of a fruit you cannot take

There is no more bitter taste than the bite of a fruit you cannot take

 The rattle warned off the bite  She knew too well the sting of her venom for it remained in her blood

The rattle warned off the bite

She knew too well the sting of her venom for it remained in her blood

 She placed pieces of her soul in all that surrounded her  She was a shell; nothing without those who now possessed her sunlight

She placed pieces of her soul in all that surrounded her

She was a shell; nothing without those who now possessed her sunlight

 With nothing left to give, she cannot bare to take  ~Isolated

With nothing left to give, she cannot bare to take

~Isolated

 She was a dried rose- no sweet smell, and unable to draw water, her thorns felt to be all that remained

She was a dried rose- no sweet smell, and unable to draw water, her thorns felt to be all that remained

 Her beast is ever hungry, ever seeking new prey  It prowls in the minds of all who approach her, it feeds on the will of those who remain

Her beast is ever hungry, ever seeking new prey

It prowls in the minds of all who approach her, it feeds on the will of those who remain

 She was an uprooted sunflower (Being) among blossoming trees (Thriving)     ~The Difference

She was an uprooted sunflower (Being) among blossoming trees (Thriving)

 

~The Difference

 To depend on someone who isn’t there, is to drink water from the sea to quench your thirst

To depend on someone who isn’t there, is to drink water from the sea to quench your thirst

 Don’t ask for fruit from a withering tree  She will fall faster, acutely aware of the bareness of her branches

Don’t ask for fruit from a withering tree

She will fall faster, acutely aware of the bareness of her branches

 The sun drew out the warmth from her body  She watched as her soul evaporated, dissipated into the sky

The sun drew out the warmth from her body

She watched as her soul evaporated, dissipated into the sky

 In the absence of light, one can still see her dulled soul shine  In the presence of light, her soul is no match and she fears she may have no spark left at all  ~Comparative Lifelessness

In the absence of light, one can still see her dulled soul shine

In the presence of light, her soul is no match and she fears she may have no spark left at all

~Comparative Lifelessness

 I am a stone though I long to be water  I am a tree though I long to be air  I am a fist though I long to be an open hand  I am teeth though I long to be breath  I am me  Shall I long then, not to be?

I am a stone though I long to be water

I am a tree though I long to be air

I am a fist though I long to be an open hand

I am teeth though I long to be breath

I am me

Shall I long then, not to be?

 She was pulled between two worlds without choice or warning. Gravity now exists in the fourth dimension with a newfound ferocity     The wind summoned her gently but persistently…Defiant or incapable, resistant or trapped—neither she nor the wind were sure

She was pulled between two worlds without choice or warning. Gravity now exists in the fourth dimension with a newfound ferocity

 

The wind summoned her gently but persistently…Defiant or incapable, resistant or trapped—neither she nor the wind were sure

 The force of the ocean has the power to beat or to soften—the difference lies in patience and acceptance of humble defeat     Even jagged stone can become fine sand

The force of the ocean has the power to beat or to soften—the difference lies in patience and acceptance of humble defeat

 

Even jagged stone can become fine sand

 When she sees in shades of gray, she paints in color  When the music that surrounds becomes muted tones of noise, she sings gently  When her world moves with heaviness and incoordination, she dances with grace  When all her efforts fail and it is sure that the world holds more shadows than light, she becomes an actor—she acts with conviction  She will see beauty in the world, because she has created beauty in the world

When she sees in shades of gray, she paints in color

When the music that surrounds becomes muted tones of noise, she sings gently

When her world moves with heaviness and incoordination, she dances with grace

When all her efforts fail and it is sure that the world holds more shadows than light, she becomes an actor—she acts with conviction

She will see beauty in the world, because she has created beauty in the world

In the Face of Adversity: My Struggles with Depression
 They said ride it out like a wave, as she stumbled under the force of the undertow
 Why shall I dance when I can hear no music?  Why shall I embrace when I feel no warmth?  Why shall I gaze when I see no light?  Why shall I harvest when I smell no fragrance?  Why shall I eat when I taste no sweetness?  What am I if not my senses?  Why shall I be if I am not me?     ~Gone
 She was chasing the sun with no concern for being burnt  She felt betrayed as she held it in her hands
 Her tears were fire in a droughted wood
 She hid under a sheltering tree, that had been stripped of its leaves
 She hid the 10-foot beast behind her back  Never has she felt smaller or more foolish
 She was drowning in her longing for water  ~Water is Life
 She longed to resemble her beast  For acknowledgment or punishment, she couldn’t tell
 There is no more bitter taste than the bite of a fruit you cannot take
 The rattle warned off the bite  She knew too well the sting of her venom for it remained in her blood
 She placed pieces of her soul in all that surrounded her  She was a shell; nothing without those who now possessed her sunlight
 With nothing left to give, she cannot bare to take  ~Isolated
 She was a dried rose- no sweet smell, and unable to draw water, her thorns felt to be all that remained
 Her beast is ever hungry, ever seeking new prey  It prowls in the minds of all who approach her, it feeds on the will of those who remain
 She was an uprooted sunflower (Being) among blossoming trees (Thriving)     ~The Difference
 To depend on someone who isn’t there, is to drink water from the sea to quench your thirst
 Don’t ask for fruit from a withering tree  She will fall faster, acutely aware of the bareness of her branches
 The sun drew out the warmth from her body  She watched as her soul evaporated, dissipated into the sky
 In the absence of light, one can still see her dulled soul shine  In the presence of light, her soul is no match and she fears she may have no spark left at all  ~Comparative Lifelessness
 I am a stone though I long to be water  I am a tree though I long to be air  I am a fist though I long to be an open hand  I am teeth though I long to be breath  I am me  Shall I long then, not to be?
 She was pulled between two worlds without choice or warning. Gravity now exists in the fourth dimension with a newfound ferocity     The wind summoned her gently but persistently…Defiant or incapable, resistant or trapped—neither she nor the wind were sure
 The force of the ocean has the power to beat or to soften—the difference lies in patience and acceptance of humble defeat     Even jagged stone can become fine sand
 When she sees in shades of gray, she paints in color  When the music that surrounds becomes muted tones of noise, she sings gently  When her world moves with heaviness and incoordination, she dances with grace  When all her efforts fail and it is sure that the world holds more shadows than light, she becomes an actor—she acts with conviction  She will see beauty in the world, because she has created beauty in the world
In the Face of Adversity: My Struggles with Depression

A compilation of self-portraits and poems by Natalia Sandrine

They said ride it out like a wave, as she stumbled under the force of the undertow

Why shall I dance when I can hear no music?

Why shall I embrace when I feel no warmth?

Why shall I gaze when I see no light?

Why shall I harvest when I smell no fragrance?

Why shall I eat when I taste no sweetness?

What am I if not my senses?

Why shall I be if I am not me?

 

~Gone

She was chasing the sun with no concern for being burnt

She felt betrayed as she held it in her hands

Her tears were fire in a droughted wood

She hid under a sheltering tree, that had been stripped of its leaves

She hid the 10-foot beast behind her back

Never has she felt smaller or more foolish

She was drowning in her longing for water

~Water is Life

She longed to resemble her beast

For acknowledgment or punishment, she couldn’t tell

There is no more bitter taste than the bite of a fruit you cannot take

The rattle warned off the bite

She knew too well the sting of her venom for it remained in her blood

She placed pieces of her soul in all that surrounded her

She was a shell; nothing without those who now possessed her sunlight

With nothing left to give, she cannot bare to take

~Isolated

She was a dried rose- no sweet smell, and unable to draw water, her thorns felt to be all that remained

Her beast is ever hungry, ever seeking new prey

It prowls in the minds of all who approach her, it feeds on the will of those who remain

She was an uprooted sunflower (Being) among blossoming trees (Thriving)

 

~The Difference

To depend on someone who isn’t there, is to drink water from the sea to quench your thirst

Don’t ask for fruit from a withering tree

She will fall faster, acutely aware of the bareness of her branches

The sun drew out the warmth from her body

She watched as her soul evaporated, dissipated into the sky

In the absence of light, one can still see her dulled soul shine

In the presence of light, her soul is no match and she fears she may have no spark left at all

~Comparative Lifelessness

I am a stone though I long to be water

I am a tree though I long to be air

I am a fist though I long to be an open hand

I am teeth though I long to be breath

I am me

Shall I long then, not to be?

She was pulled between two worlds without choice or warning. Gravity now exists in the fourth dimension with a newfound ferocity

 

The wind summoned her gently but persistently…Defiant or incapable, resistant or trapped—neither she nor the wind were sure

The force of the ocean has the power to beat or to soften—the difference lies in patience and acceptance of humble defeat

 

Even jagged stone can become fine sand

When she sees in shades of gray, she paints in color

When the music that surrounds becomes muted tones of noise, she sings gently

When her world moves with heaviness and incoordination, she dances with grace

When all her efforts fail and it is sure that the world holds more shadows than light, she becomes an actor—she acts with conviction

She will see beauty in the world, because she has created beauty in the world

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